Can prolonged virginity make a person go flat-earth? No, but it can make them just as delusional about human sexuality. And the average person is not helping anything.
The flat earth movement is on the rise, like some kind of epidemic mental illness. Don’t believe it? See for yourself by doing a search for it. You’ll see quite a few proponents of the idea, and countless supporters cheering it on as they jeer the critics. Or, just go into any mainstream public social media forum, and they’ll find you – they’re popping up everywhere. How widespread is it? The most pessimistic estimates (pessimistic for “globetards”, as we’re called) are anywhere from around 200,000 to a full 10% of the population. One estimate claims that 1/3 of 18-24 year olds are on the fence about it. Even if those numbers are hyped, the problem is a serious one. I mean think about it: flat earth theory is becoming ubiquitous, even in spite of how the geometric properties of Earth are widely observed and applied – not by a few cloistered scientists working for New World Order, Inc., but rather by people in countless disciplines and industries, along with amateur astronomers, photographers, travelers and other observers. For that reason itself, don’t expect flat earthers to listen to anything you have to tell them, since they dismiss everything said by anyone who is not a fellow flat-earth crank. After listening to them for a while, out of morbid curiosity, it’s a frightening realization how fragile human cognition really is, and how otherwise “normal” people can be brainwashed into following ideas that are more than just controversial, eccentric and easily falsifiable, but borderline madness. Of course, they’ll tell you that they follow what they call “zetetic astronomy”, meaning that they only believe what they can see; they don’t see the curve of the earth, and thus, they don’t believe in it. Never mind all of the other phenomena that point to a spherical earth, like where the sun goes at night…they have a whole battery of self-deluding explanations for it all, and they don’t like being asked to explain them in-depth. Sound crazy? It is. It’s totally nuts. Maybe it’s psy-op or something.
Now, imagine meeting someone who didn’t believe in the existence of…sex.
That idea may seem even more absurd than the flat earth theory, since the majority of people have been allowed to experience sex, and yet that’s part of the reason you might meet a late-life male virgin who has gone flat-earth on the concept sexual intercourse itself.
Just imagine, for a moment, living in a world where everyone you knew had seen a Sasquatch, except you…
Let’s say that it was not a mere legend – in this alternate reality, its existence is accepted by everyone. It’s something that was kept secret from you by all of the grownups until a certain point in preadolescence, but nonetheless, you had no reason to doubt it, even though you and your peers had never personally seen it yet. As you grew and entered your mid-teens, some of your friends here and there would start telling you about how they were having their first sightings of a Sasquatch, usually by sheer serendipity, and sometimes not knowing when the next sighting would be. You learn about Sasquatch in health class, about what people are doing when they see it and how to avoid being harmed by it, and you see evidence of it everywhere you go – well, that is to say, you know that you’re looking at evidence of Sasquatch only because people have told you that that’s what you’re seeing, and you trust them. Why would they lie? As you continue to get older, you pass the average age of first Sasquatch sighting, you graduate from school, and you hear everyone around you talking all the time about seeing Sasquatch. Many people even have one they keep at home as a pet, but of course, you’re not allowed to see it and you’re not going to ask.
As you keep getting older, this thing that is seemingly everywhere, all around you, all of the time but you’ve never seen yourself, starts to make you wonder where the hell it actually is, and why you’re the only one who can’t see it. Yes, you still take everyone’s word for it, because it just doesn’t make sense that it would be some grand conspiracy against you and only a handful of other people. It’s much more likely that there is just something wrong with your vision that makes Sasquatch invisible, and you just need to figure out what that problem is so you can solve it somehow. Well, don’t expect much help from other people – I mean how do they know why you haven’t seen a Sasquatch out in the woods yet? They’re all over the place! Oh, and that’s if you have the nerve to admit it to anyone, because the fact that you haven’t even seen this thing, at your age, is becoming more and more awkward. Steven Carell and Judd Apatow even made a moving lampooning guys like you. You start to feel like a circus freak, and you fear that people can tell that you’ve never seen Sasquatch, because you don’t know what they know about the experience of seeing it. They might even have the nerve to ask you, directly or indirectly, about your Sasquatch encounters, and your insecurity about the questions blow your cover. Maybe you can connect anonymously with other circus freaks online who likewise haven’t see Sasquatch, and exchange notes, eh? Yeah, get ready for a mishmash of kook theories that try to explain it all, but don’t go anywhere and are merely the result of mental festering of the afflicted.
There comes a point when your situation becomes so nonsensical that you inevitably start to question everything you thought you knew about Sasquatch. Again, you’ve now gone 30+ years, in what is said to be Sasquatch country, and you’ve never seen one. Everyone around you has, reportedly, but you haven’t. Are you really that crazy because you start to wonder if Sasquatch really exists? Nothing you’ve ever been told about Sasquatch would make you think that you wouldn’t have seen it by now, so it comes down to a conflict between what your eyes tell you, and what others tell you. Sure, you know intellectually that it must exist, because something has to be wrong with you – it can’t be that everyone around you is lying. But these are the same people who have been telling you that in order to see the hairy primate with big feet, you have to do this big, long, stupid rain dance to get it to come out of the woods, and as far as you can tell, you’ve done it right…but still no sign of the beast. And what about them? They seem to run into ol’ Bigfoot all the time, and you know they haven’t been doing what they say you have to do to get your first sighting. This is where you start to lose your mind. Your own left brain just can’t keep insisting to your right brain that this ubiquitous ape exists, and there’s no explanation for why you can’t see it, other than a grand, hilarious coincidence. The right brain just doesn’t believe it anymore. It has lost faith in the left brain. Just like the moron flat earthers ceased to believe that the earth is round, you cease to believe in Sasquatch.
So there you are. You’ve lost trust in everyone around you, they’ve lost all respect for you, you’ve lost your mental faculties…and guess who isn’t coming out of the woods to make it all right: Sasquatch. Oh, you know that motherfucker isn’t coming to the rescue now – not after all it obviously did to hide from you so that you’d end up this way. You’re on your own.
Well, there is one option… Just like the flat earther can pony up the dough for a convincing 70,000-foot ride in a MiG-25 to see the curve, the guy who has never seen Sasquatch can pay to go see one in captivity. Oh sure, people would frown upon him for going to one of those private zoos on the edge of town, but it’s either that, or he just lets his sanity slip away, like a vine slipping out of his no-longer-willing hands as he sinks into the quicksand. Of course, Sasquatch will still be everywhere and still hiding from him, but at least the earth will be round again.
Heh…and then all the people in this big round world who help make sure that prolonged virginity ruins a man’s life just can’t believe that some guys end up hating Sasquatch enough to go out hunting it with guns and Ryder vans… Those are the same fucking do-gooder dipshits trying to shut down legal brothels.
Go ahead, dip-fucks – keep trying to remove options for incels, just like you were pulling control rods out of the Chernobyl reactor.