Some years ago, Love-Shy.com had a featured post by Loveablenerd titled “A Lesson In Causality for the Chronologically Impared”.
This is specifically addressed to all the n00bs, and the persistent white knight/mangina’s out there who are convinced that no one on this board is a “nice guy” because of all the bitterness displayed on this web site. Since we obviously show signs of disliking women, that is clearly the reason we can’t get any.
Here is how causality works… a love-shy or incel boy enters puberty and suddenly is interested in girls. And he isn’t alone, suddenly all his peers are as well. However, he quickly learns there is something wrong as most of his friends go on to have normal dating experiences, and sex and relationships at all the appropriate times in their youth while this boy is unable to. If he is LS it is because he is unable to approach them. Otherwise, he may do everything he sees his more successful peers do yet gets constantly, inexplicably rejected.
Now this boy was the nicest guy you would ever meet. He helped old ladies cross the street. If he found a lost wallet in the mall rather than keep it or the money inside it he would turn it in to the lost and found. He never found a hungry stray animal that he didn’t take in, much to the annoyance of his parents. And he was just as nice to the girls. Not because he wanted to get in their pants. He just wanted a normal relationship. Dating. Companionship. What all of his peers had.
But it never happened. Instead, he saw the boys who were the most obnoxious, the biggest bullies in the school, were the most successful with the girls. These girls would complain about how these guys treated them, and how much they wanted a nice guy. But he was completely invisible to them. When they finally broke up with the a-holes, they would move right along to another a-hole. Rinse and repeat. Throughout junior high. Throughout high school. Then the boy graduates and moves off to college, thinking at last he would get his due. But no, it was more of the same. Even worse than high school. All the more disturbing because these were intelligent educated girls that should have known better. He can become friends with them, and friend-zoned… but never get any further. And then he gets to listen to them bitch about the guy they are banging every weekend while he is stuck playing Halo in his dorm room.
So another four to six years of his life goes by. And then out into the “real world” where a man can’t even ask out a girl where he works for fear of being fired for sexual harassment. Most of the women around are taken. And more and more of his old friends are getting married and settled down, while he is still at square zero.
Needless to say, by now it is becoming harder and harder to fight the inevitable frustration from this scenario. By watching it play out again and again hundreds of times, he does have a lot of empirical sociological evidence to weigh. And while it is all subjective, it runs over a course of a decade or more. And by weighing this all out and drawing obvious conclusions…. if this guy doesn’t harbor negative feelings toward women by now, he is either Mahatma Ghandi or he is completely deluded by pop positivity into thinking his big break is right around the corner…. it isn’t.
This is where the typical mangina/white knight pipes up… Ahah! You have a negative attitude toward women! NO WONDER you don’t have any success! All the while failing to grasp the fact that this negativity has built up over years and decades of being left out in the cold. It is virtually impossible NOT to have negative feelings about it by now. But they did not cause the exclusion from DSR that the boy has endured his whole life. He didn’t start out that way. The actual causes are debated continuously so I won’t get into them here… but negativity is the result, not the cause of loveshyness and incel.
Learn the direction of causality. Otherwise you sound like a two year old kid covering their eyes and saying “Haha! You can’t see me!”
This is even more pertinent today, in the aftermath of the Elliot Rodger shooting/stabbing spree.
There are a lot of people from all corners of both the news media and social media who are spending a lot of time decrying what Rodger did, but are they really out to lecture a dead man into submission? No, he is among the dead now, so the war being waged in the wake of his “day of retribution” is between members of the living — those with active genitals, and those with inactive genitals. The sexually-active vs. the virgins. The word “kissless virgin” is being thrown all around now in the news and elsewhere, to describe a heretofore unrealized demographic of, apparently, potential murderers.
You can read comments everywhere from people all over, most of which say nothing new. The same old platitude comes up, over and over again: “No wonder women don’t like you guys!” It started as a slogan about there being no wonder why women didn’t like him — him being Elliot Rodger — but now the attention is taking the expected turn to those who are like him. No, I don’t mean in the murderous sense, but in the sexual sense, which is just as revolting to most people.
It’s probably as much a Don Quixotesque thing for me to spend two minutes writing about this subject as it is for its intended audience to repeat the above platitude in every comments section of ever news article on the subject, but alas, here we go anyway.
People, listen: when you see a guy who is the ubiquitous non-murdering and harmless version of Elliot Rodger, albeit bitter and disillusioned with the opposite sex’s apparent preference for the kind of guy whom he was bluffed into believing that they didn’t like, don’t lie to yourself and say that his attitude is what causes him to be incel. Almost every single guy who is incel like that entered the life stage of sexual possibility with optimism, and likely maintained his sense of being a gentleman well past the point at which he became completely stalled in sociosexual progress. Few things are more frustrating than watching everyone else develop into what you have been told are “full-fledged human beings”, entering relationships, marrying and starting families, while you haven’t progressed beyond the level of a 12-year-old in terms of sociosexual milestones…and then being given unsolicited, nebulous advice about confidence, and getting “out there”, and even things like hobbies and common interests… Seriously, the kind of advice people try to give incels reeks of a lot of people simply enjoying listening to themselves talk. One might as well be reading out of a boilerplate pamphlet from a seminar on how to make pamphlets.
An incel of a conspicuous age has already heard all of the pop-positivity he can stand, and he knows that none of it works. He also doesn’t need to get an earful about the virtues of being in a relationship or marriage; after all, it’s not like he has never contemplated all of those things himself, long before you felt the need to remind him of it all. When people go trying to lecture a hardcore incel into success — again, usually unsolicited — they might as well be trying to sell private jets to hobos. That constant reminder of no one really understanding his problems, combined with the inevitable feeling of being left out in one of life’s most important games, is indeed enough to ruin the niceness in even the nicest guys.
Also, if you think that “hawt guys”, who have been enjoying the prime cuts of success with girls since age 14, wouldn’t also act shitty about it if they had been put through the unbroken losing streak that incels have, then you are deluding yourself. Most “normal” people, if suddenly dropped into a life of incel — with all of the hoplessness and social stigma that goes with it — would be about ready to jump off a bridge after a few months of it. To think that guys who are successful would be nice about it if they were so unsuccessful with the opposite sex is adorning them with credit they haven’t earned and don’t deserve…but then, those kind of guys are used to getting things they don’t deserve.
Another thing worth mentioning — as much as you can tell that I truly hate to disappoint feminists — is that, no, the bitter incel wasn’t previously playing “nice” as a facade; likewise, the Nice Guy™ who still is nice for the time being, really is a nice guy. The idea that “niceness” is just a mask, and that swaggering immaturity among the sexy guys is honesty, is just a really pathetic attempt on the part of sexually successful people to rationalize the outcomes of modern human sexuality, which in truth is being driven by the most primitive of forces. It’s a way for women to make themselves feel like their choices in men weren’t as primitively-motivated as they really were, as well as a way to make men feel like they earned their way into having women chose them, by…simply being awesome.
Again, Elliot Rodger is dead and gone. You are now dealing with living guys who haven’t harmed anyone, and never will. If you want to redirect all of your anger from Rodger over to them, then I guess that’s what you’ll do. Just don’t try to give them any advice about how not to be incel, because no matter how qualified you think your sexual routine makes you to counsel them, you can’t even imagine how hopeless their situation actually is. Most of all, don’t give them a carrot-on-the-stick lecture about how women will supposedly be more attracted to them, if only they would stop being so bitter and sweeten up about it all. They’re going to be just as incel, either way. They already tried that, and it failed, remember?
Now just let them go live in peace.