#NoHymenNoDiamond: Well-Meaning, But Destined to Backfire

Most have heard of the Facebook or Twitter (what’s the difference?) rage going on these days: #NoHymenNoDiamond.  It’s pretty self-explanatory: thousands of guys downing non-virgin women as not being marriageable, and an army of feminists and mangina suck-asses shrieking at these guys in full shrill.  You can read all about it here.

While the intent may be good, this movement will only backfire. Guys can demand virgins, but they end up walking right into a self-made trap:

  • If they are not virgins themselves, then they are hypocrites who automatically lose the argument, and only reaffirm feminists’ ideas about the patriarchal boogeyman.
  • If they are virgins, then in an instant, the conversation shifts to them, and what freaks they are — all discussion about women is forgotten.  The virgin men become the laughing stock of the world, and reaffirm the stereotype of non-virility for everyone else (“everyone else” being non-virgins).

Either way, the conversation gets shut right down.

Of course, guys who are legitimately involuntary celibate (incel) don’t have to worry about any of this.  It’s a non-issue, because once you reach a certain age as a male virgin, your marital prospects are gone anyway.  The true incel has become so pre-deselected that even a used-up non-virgin would never let him put a diamond on her finger, let alone a virgin woman, who would likely be half his age and know her worth to a well-reared suitor from a respected family.

Now of course, it is fun to watch feminists shriek about this movement and try to deny their obvious devaluation, with regard to marriage (it’s probably just designed to troll them anyway), and even funnier is watching these hen-pecked loser men regurgitating fem-think rhetoric, as if it’s going to win them points or something.  Don’t even get me started on the history that feminists have of decrying the institution of marriage itself as patriarchal enslavement, but how riled-up they get when they are told that they aren’t worth marrying anyway — we could talk about female ego quite a bit here, but that’s another discussion for another day.  Most importantly, it is good reminder of a harsh fact of life that cannot be squelched. Sometimes even the most obvious truths have to be restated, and if Jay Teachman’s data is to be believed, then indeed, non-virgin women are no good for marriage — even after one partner.

But remember, the male side of picture cannot be ignored either. A guy has to take a good look at himself as well, and assess his own sexual market value, in light of this #NoHymenNoDiamond idea.  It’s hard to simply throw back to tradition and declare the upper hand like that, especially if you’ve reached an age and sociosexual status that would lead you to even be thinking about this stuff.  Like it or not, the mockery that feminists and manginas make of #NoHymenNoDiamond is quite sincere, and is not going to lead even one virgin woman to stop and think.  If anything, more cherries will be popped out of defiance, and not one man who signed onto this movement will ever get to be one of the cherry-poppers.

All and all, we all probably end up coming to this inevitable conclusion…

#NoDiamond, period.

A deal cannot be reached, nor should it, probably.  Rather than aging men driving themselves to madness, coming up with ultimatums for women who look back at them like genetic garbage anyway, it’s probably time to abandon hope of marriage, and perhaps even the subject of marriage altogether.  Realize that your ship will never come in, nor was it ever going to, and then truly go your own way without using the acronym MGTOW.  Rather than jumping on futile bandwagons like this, let your actions — or rather, inaction, with regard to marriage and relationships — do all the talking, and try to preserve your sanity by finding pursuits in life that hopefully don’t even remind you of what a wasteland womankind is in the 21st century.

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6 comments

  1. MGTOW for the win, obviously. Virgin or not, the female of our species still has more legal power than the male in the court system, and this should always be taken into account.

    But when I first heard about this thing, the initial reaction I had was negative, but for a more literal issue. Namely, that this hashtag makes it sound as though an intact hymen is still a good way to determine female virginity, when it most assuredly is not. Perhaps up to 100-150 years ago, when most women in our society weren’t nearly as athletic as they are now, it was. But nowadays, given the fact that girls from young ages do everything from bike riding, horsebacking, gymnastics, competitive swimming, track, and a plethora of other physical activities, relying on a pre-perforated, easily worn away piece of skin barely the thickness of 2 sheets of paper is obviously foolish. An increasing number of women, including myself, had absolutely no pain upon sharing our virginity precisely because our hymens…if we were born with them at all…were already gone. The fact that this hashtag is perpetuating such an old “requirement” is kinda laughable.

    As for Teachman’s data, it has two very big missing pieces when looked at as a whole. First, he never did a complementary study for men, and unfortunately my own searches for any professional research of this type regarding males has led me to conclude it is sorely lacking. There are numerous studies similar to Teachman’s…all about female partner count and it’s supposed effects on divorce, affairs, etc. Nary a one is to be found for our menfolk. Until some researchers get their act together and give us the other side of the equation, there is little we can actually conclude about this topic.

    Secondly, as many previously married MGTOW can tell us, being wed for a long time is not necessarily an indicator of happiness or even a decent relationship. Alright, so you were married to a virgin for 35 years…but if for 30 of those years you absolutely dreaded coming home each night to a woman who claimed you never did enough and constantly rode you about every tiny mistake, unperformed chore, or imagined slight, would you care that society considered your marriage “successful”? Just because it didn’t end in a divorce has no bearing on whether it was something others should be envious of.

    Furthermore, we’d have to distinguish between causality vs correlation. Are the non-virgin women who divorced always the initiators? What were their reasons for divorcing compared to the reasons their former spouses gave? Did they have sex with their spouse consistently throughout the marriage due to mutual enjoyment, or do they view sex as a chore/tool? How long were their premarital relationships (which I personally think is a far better indicator of whether a divorce will occur than partner count)? For example, did she have 3 premarital sex partners but each was in a committed LTR lasting 3+ years each, or did she have 3 premarital sex partners while having 9 short term nonsexual relationships each lasting no more than 6 months? This to me might be a better question to ask, as it would go farther towards showing exactly what the woman thinks of the role of her partner, and her willingness to see him as a fellow person or merely a wallet.

    There is a lot more research to be done in this area. Hopefully someone will soon.

    1. How good of proof the hymen is of virginity is kind of a moot point. No virgin man who is concerned with this is ever going to meet a prospective woman who is claiming virginity anyway, much less willing to fool him with hymenorrhaphy or something. Virgin men have only poked-out women as options, if they have any options at all. That’s just a fact of life in the 21st century, as is the unworkable nature of marriage (unless you belong to a community of Fundamentalists and get married at 16).

      Regarding your comments about Teachman’s data, neither of the two points you made allow any room to boost confidence about marriage for anyone — if anything, they both can only make it seem like an even worse prospect than it already is. Indeed, it would be nice to see the same data for men and their sexual histories’ affect on their marital stability — I’m guessing that the results will be pretty similar — but I don’t see why men, whom the current data helps most, can’t conclude anything from it. Nothing from counterpart data about themselves is going to mitigate any of the risk that the current data shows about the women. As for the fact that a marriage without disruption is not necessarily a happy or successful one, that too only strengthens the argument against marriage. It’s obvious that a fulfilling marriage takes more ingredients than just fidelity and longevity, but we all know that divorce and infidelity are certainly not among those ingredients — well, maybe some screwball over at The Good Mangina Project could conjure up an scenario where being cheated on would strengthen the relationship, but that’s because those guys are hopeless. Marital disruption is something that no sane person is going to sign up for, so again, the outlook for marriage only gets worse, not better.

      I don’t think that asking a whole bunch of additional questions or doing further research is going to give any man a better answer than the one he’s already got. It seems like a pretty open-and-shut case to me: depending on his situation, he should either avoid marriage, or see the silver lining of how marriage avoided him.

      1. Yes to everything you’ve said. Which is why I preceded the majority of my comment with saying “MGTOW for the win”. The fact that it’d be great to have more data and the answers to more questions is separate from the fact that the current marriage environment is not favorable to men.

  2. Normally I don’t comment or write about this stuff, but your blog is quite insightful, and I feel the need to share my experience.

    My background is I was a complete incel/loner until I was 23, life consisted of going to work from when I was 18 and going straight home and staying in until the day etc, etc. I dabbled with bars and trying to socialise but with absolutely zero sucess, women were a non-starter and trying to get to know imen and make friends (in the hope of meeting a woman through them) was hopeless. Then one day out of the blue, on a gaming forum I was on, the ONE girl on there, among the many 100’s of blokes, began to chat to me. I initiated nothing, totally from her, but I ended up grasping the nettle and moving from Ireland to England to be with her, luckily been an incel with no life whatsoever meant I saved alot of money. It lasted 3 years and we had a daughter, then out of the blue she left me for another man, I was devasted but dusted myself off.

    Then, not really knowing anyone in England, I went to bars to make friends, and I succeded in fitting in somehow! 6 months after splitting I had relationship/affair (as she was married) with another woman and it resulted in another daughter. After this, a month later I met another woman (all 3 were absolutely stunning and way out of my league by the way) and had a 3 year relationship and another daughter, then the inevitable leaving me for another man happened.

    That was a year a half ago, single ever since, rarely see my daughters as two of the mums hate me (and blame ME for the end of the relationships, like it’s my fault they ran off with other men!) and the other mum sadly died. My question is, am I just an incel who got incredibly lucky breaks? Or have I jumped off the incel plane forever, or was it just a 3 time lucky thing? I have a feeling my relationships fizzled partly because I was incel for so long I was set in my ways and perhaps quite selfish.

    1. After reading your story, I’d say that you are deluded if you think you were ever truly “incel”. If you really had been, you wouldn’t be calling yourself selfish, and every other incel by extension.

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