Ascending vs. Transcending

Within incel circles, there is a term known as “ascending”, which simply means rising out of incel and establishing a relationship. Some may even say it’s just achieving unpaid sex, but that’s usually the guy who just achieved unpaid sex, but doesn’t yet realize that it’s not a gateway to a relationship for him. Anyway, “ascending” means becoming noncel.

Well I’d like to introduce another term: transcending, or “breaking the incel sound barrier”.

When one reaches a point in his incel career, where becoming noncel is no longer a priority, and a life of serene, single independence is preferred, you have transcended the need for a significant other. It’s a concept that mostly only “oldcels” understand — most “youngcels” don’t even want to think such a state can exist. Of course, when you’re in your 20s, the meaning of life seems to be ascension; but life after the need for a romantic/sexual partner does exist, and is worth living.

Lowering testosterone levels help with this of course, but it’s not the only thing needed. It takes a certain kind of cynical acceptance of female nature and the current status quo. You have to unlearn a lot of the Walt Disney Happy Ending™ lies that you had been programmed to believe in your young life. There’s a lot of deprogramming to do for most people, but it will come with time, as long as you can just hold on and not kill yourself before you get all of the lies washed out of your system.

How do you know when you’re there? When you no longer feel the “magic”…when the thought of meeting a female gives you more negative than positive vibes…when engaging in conversation with a female annoys you more than interests you…when you have no sympathy for females like you once did…when even the most ostensibly “perfect” female you meet can’t blind you, or make you forget that she’s still riddled with all of the modern female characteristics that are just going to dash your hopes at best, ruin your life at worst. Oh, you’ll get there eventually, with enough time and disappointment.

The reward comes when you look back at the last few years of transcendence, and realize how much you have saved yourself, in terms of time, money and mental injury.

Again, this is a concept that many young, budding incels are not going to understand or even want to think about, and that’s natural, really. All that the elder incels can do is serve as a living example of how life can be lived, and how the suffering will eventually subside, without suicide. I think that’s by itself a noble reason to keep living, and as large of a percentage of the young male population is expected to be relegated to incel, cut out of the modern technocratic polygamy paradigm, young incels need as much hope for the future as they can get.

29 thoughts on “Ascending vs. Transcending

  1. On the subject of “young, budding incels” and “elder incels,” there’s something I have wanted to ask but the subjects of prior posts never seemed to invite the question. You’ve talked about “when one reaches a point in his incel career, where becoming noncel is no longer a priority” and there can be a turning point of awareness. I hope incel persons do reach such a point. Of course, even when they do, they will probably still have to deal with hostility and judgment from people, especially people who are/were friends and family.

    My question is at what point in time or age do you think parents and relatives of an incel change their view of that person? And how does it change? For “young, budding incels,” most parents tend to have an attitude of condescension and insouciance, saying things like “why haven’t you got a girlfriend yet?” or “you’ve just got to get out there more” or “you’re just a late bloomer.” And that’s probably the age of youthful potential when the incel himself holds out hope of “ascending” and changing his situation. But after some time passes, when the parents can’t keep blaming youthful shyness, their tone changes and when they ask “why haven’t you got a girlfriend yet?” it is no longer some teasing remark but a serious question from concerned faces.

    There has to be some point when the parents realize that their child is probably beyond the age of potential for conjugal prospects and will almost certainly not get married or have children, though they may try to deny it. Maybe their attitude is similar to those of a parents whose daughters never married and became spinsters and old maids? Families have always had some members who never carried on the marital/reproductive cycle. But most people presume that even the spinster aunt and black sheep uncle must have had sex at some point in their lives. If they are told that that this person has never had sex and is over a certain age, that probably raises way more judgment and red flags, especially when it’s a male person. To the point where this person is excluded from family/social functions and stops being mentioned because he is an embarrassment?

    Of course, parents and families have long tolerated problematic children. Even those who are felons, drug addicts, and degenerates who sponge off their parents. So why would they be more ashamed of an incel family member? Well, because now it’s a reviled identify. If a son used the word “incel” to identify himself, what kind of disaster would that cause? The mainstream media is telling everyone that “incel” is synonymous with “terrorist.” There are Reddit threads from anonymous parents claiming to proudly disown their incel sons.

    Lastly, I recall in Gilmartin’s book, he took care to note that the “love shy” men he studied all maintained relationships with their parents, but mostly because those men had no other friends or social contacts in their lives. And he observed that the relationships between the “love shy” men and their parents were hostile and disparaging, because the parents often berated and insulted their sons for never marrying and providing grandchildren. I have this suspicion that lots of parents think a broke felon with 10 children he doesn’t support somehow makes a better son than a non-violent self-sufficient incel.

    1. The judgement of the “normie” never ceases.
      I recently passed out and hit my head on a brick wall.
      “Luckily” (?) I was rushed to the hospital where they put
      staples in my head.
      I was there approximately two weeks. Every test was run on me
      to determine the cause. They put a “loop recorder” over my heart.
      While I was there, I was relentlessly teased and tortured by the
      sadistic staff and peppered with “personal” questions.
      They can spot an incel and he gets treated like a piece of rotten

      1. How were they able to spot you as an incel? Because you did not have a spouse or because of how you filled out the “emergency contact” or “next of kin” information? I’m sure plenty of single men of all ages go to the hospital. What kind of questions would they ask? When’s the last time you ever had sex?

        1. Well, people talk. Word gets around.
          I was in no condition to fill out forms as I was taken by ambulance.
          My brother found me in a pool of blood. I had been in that hospital
          about 10 years eariler. My late, sickly mother numerous times.
          I’m the type you never forget once encountered-not for good reasons.
          “Kids” from my High School never forget me, though I graduaded in
          1977. People need to be entertained. Medicare & Medicade payed for
          every nickel. People make assumptions. I’m not married and I’m 63.
          As to the last time I’ve had sex, there never was a time I had sex.
          If I was too weird and ugly to have sex, with the scaring I experienced
          it applies even more.
          My bro says if he hadn’t found me I definately would I died.
          It’s doubious that I should be grateful he did.

          1. Just to be clear, I myself wasn’t asking when was the last time you ever had sex. I meant it in the sense of “Did the hospital staff actually ask you when was the last time you had sex?” as some way to spot you as an incel. Never thought hospital stuff would ask such a question of people, unless they came in for some possible STD or pregnancy.

            From what you’ve said, it sounds like this is a small enough community and enough people remained there over time to recall who you were from high school onward and kept cursory notice of you. Not that they were tracking or stalking you, but I guess they remembered you well enough to tell other people “that guy’s never been married” or “that guy’s never had a girlfriend.”

            I guess one of the benefits of living in a mid-sized town or larger city is comforting anonymity. Most of the people one knows from youth have moved away or live far enough away that one probably will not encounter them. At least, there’s drastically less chance they work at the hospital and spread gossip about you.

            1. In fact, one of the ring leaders that bullied me had an administrative
              position at the hospital. I happened to be in an elevator with him.
              He asked me if I went to such and such High School. This was years
              after I graduated. I asked if he was a doctor. He told me his name, and
              I immeadiately knew who he was. I was there during one of my mother’s numerous hospitalizations. I saw him a couple of times later
              and noticed him looking askance at me. I’m sure some people ended up working at that hospital. I’m not a person anyone forgets.
              I graduated right before school shootings became popular.
              If I had ready access to weapons, and I was comfortable with
              their use, my name would likely have gone down in infamy.

          2. Mr. Spector,

            You mentioned your late mother. If you don’t mind the question, how did your mother treat the issue of you being an incel? I don’t know that she would have used or known the term during her lifetime. But did she ever pester you about not dating or having girlfriends? When it became apparent you were not going to get married or have children, did this cause lasting bitterness or anguish on her part? Or did she eventually come to terms and make peace with it?

            1. Initally, my mother brought up the fact that I didn’t relate to the opposite
              sex. She was aware of my social difficulties. But I had a long standing
              history of being bullied and laughed at. (My entire life really) So she wasn’t
              that surprised. My mother was the kind that repressed the anger she felt
              unlike my father who was critical, loud, and vocal. We didn’t get along
              to well.
              When people are about to die, they are less guarded in the things they
              say, either because of physical problems or inattentiveness.
              When my father and I visited her in the Nursing Home she was at one
              of the last times we saw her, she told my father in front of me, “I feel sorry
              for him because he’s never going to have a girlfriend.” She would never
              have said that if she was well. I assured her it was no one’s fault, and
              that’s just how things turned out. I was shortly to take care of my father
              as well. He’s gone now too.

              1. What your mother said when she was near the end of her life is not surprising. So many people think that “last words” or things people say when they are close to dying will all be kind and sentimental. When the body is shutting down and deteriorating, that includes the brain and the parts of the brain that gave people a “filter” or restraint over their words. Not to mention the effect of painkillers and other drugs dying people get loaded with to ease their passing. So if somebody is near death and can still speak, they may say things that are not so kind or gentle.

                The film “Shallow Hal” played this for laughs, when the dying father tells his young son that he made a mistake marrying his mother and that “hot young tail” is the most important thing in life.

                You mention your father who has also since passed. You say he was “critical, loud, and vocal.” So did he often berate you about you not dating or having girlfriends when you were younger? As time passed and it became apparent you were probably not going to get married or have children, did his behavior towards you get worse? Or was there some point that he dropped the issue or made peace with it? Or did you sort of write you off as someone he didn’t care about? I hate to think he was disparaging you the whole time you cared for him at the end of his life.

                1. Well, I do have an older brother and he married. I come from a family of
                  three, and my brother had three children so he did replace the
                  My father couldn’t for the life of him understand what my problem was.
                  He came from the “pretty-girls-are-a-dime-a dozen-school” and thought
                  I should have it so easy. He was from the “Silent Generation” when it
                  wasn’t necessary to be in the top 20% to get a wife. My brother also
                  made it in the nick of time. He was just a “4” in appearence and 5’9.
                  He got married in 1983. He was able to marry a “7.”
                  At first he lacked confidence and was depressed. But he is very witty
                  and utalized humor. The girl was in her late 20’s, so she decided to take
                  the plunge. Luckily, all his kids are attractive, so they shouldn’t have
                  problems in this area.
                  Myself, I’m a “1.” I’m even less than that now. The “King” of the Omegas.
                  My father mellowed out after my mother’s death. He never bugged me
                  again about girls. While he was still critical and cranky he probably
                  thought that my mother would have wanted him to be more tolorant of me.

                  1. Well, I do have an older brother and he married. I come from a family of three, and my brother had three children so he did replace the population.

                    A crude reality is that animals and humans have multiple offspring as “insurance” in case some of the young die or fail to reproduce. Royal and noble families wanted to at least have “an heir and a spare,” at least two male children so that there would be one to carry on the family name if the other died, never reproduced, or became some kind of disgrace unfit to carry on his family’s legacy.

                    Large families are rarer today in the Western world. Parents who have more than say 3 children have more insurance and insulation against familial disaster. If some of their kids end up identifying as homosexuals or transsexuals or some other kind of freak, they can usually count on at least some of their kids still marrying and having children the normal way. Parents who have the typical 1 or 2 kids are more at risk in the regard.

                    1. My oldest sibling is my sister. She is 71 and lives in a “home.”
                      My mother told me “No one knows why she is retarded,” though
                      it is thought it might be due to a high fever she had as a child.
                      My father refused to accept it. He argued with my mother many
                      years after the fact. He clung to the hope that she wasn’t retarted
                      because she didn’t have the typical “Downs Syndrome” appearence.
                      Not all retarted people look like the have Downs Syndrome. I knew
                      a retarted man who looked like a Movie Star. When he spoke he
                      sounded like he had marbles in his mouth. He knew his looks were
                      his strong point so he made sure he was well dressed and groomed.
                      Just based on his looks, I’m sure he had short term sex.
                      Quite pathetic when some retarted guys can get sex, and high I.Q
                      Normies can’t.
                      My older brother was the Middle Child. He never got anything less than
                      a 90 on a test. I think he lucked out in his relationships. His high I.Q.
                      helped him. He could demonstrate worth and utality that women could
                      see. (Though in this day and age he’d might be in trouble if he was
                      Myself, I accept what I can’t change. I may have gotten the occasional
                      “come on” from a woman but that was so far and few between, I wouldn’t
                      know how to capitalize on it. Besides, people have a bunch of alterior
                      motives. How do you know if a person is sincer?
                      My brother said I should “pay for it once just to see what it’s like” and
                      rely on my hands “A man’s best friend.” I’m not going to do that.
                      Through out history most men HAVE NOT reproduced. Many have
                      died virgins for a variety of reasons. I’ll just add one more to the ranks.

  2. I dunno. Transcendence implies that it’s a permanent thing but don’t we all constantly change as we age? I used to be mostly fine and fit your definition of transcendence pretty well but as I get older it’s actually starting to get to me again – the depression of being alone and the fear of growing old all alone. As you grow frail, you need more copes, but simultaneously less are available.

    I think the transcendence you describe is more of an ideal. Kinda how ancient Buddhists aspired to be total ascetic hermits reaching enlightenment living alone in the woods, but then quickly realized just how untenable that is and turned to monk communities instead. Hmmm, an incel monastery – now that’s an idea.

    1. It would have naked pictures/paintings of women on the walls.
      Face it. There’s an overabundance of males in the world, and an
      unfair distribution chain. No one was meant to live this long.

      1. Look at the song, “This Guy’s In Love With You,” by Herb Alpert.
        Isn’t it wonderful to see all the things we’re missing out on?

        1. I listen to REDPILL REICH, and he says that today,in Clownworld:

          1. Girls are Socially Engineered to Prefer Oody Doodys.

          2. That they do Not Really Like them Sexually, but since society says she has to Dominate a Man,he is chosen.

          3. That those girls marry and give birth to Oofy Doofy’s children.

          I have doubts. The Blackpill Always Comes back to Collect.

          Anytime a girl shows a photo of herself with her Oofy Doofy, she gets many Negative Comments on how ugly he is. So she deletes the photos. Lookism always comes back to collect

          1. Andy Nowicki (Have you seen his channel?) Did something on that.
            I don’t believe it because women don’t marry down unless they’re very

    1. How would that make her more in demand? The principle of
      scarsity? People want the “out of reach” thing?

      1. I don’t know if the trick actually worked and made her more in demand. It was supposed to fool men into thinking she was more in demand and make them try harder to please her.

        Presumably, by sending herself free drinks and pretending they were from secret admirers, she wanted other men to think “Oh, this woman is getting free drinks sent to her by other men. All these other anonymous men must want her so badly to send her free stuff! I had better try harder and offer her more expensive free stuff!”

        1. Strangely enough, people were more aware of women like this in the
          EARLY 1960’s. They were characters in T.V. dramas: Narcacistic women
          who tease men and play with fire.
          Route 66 was a dramatic show from the 60’s: Two “white night” men who
          travel the country in a corvette stingray. They go from town to town and
          get involved in people’s personal problems. They often run into manic
          women that they set straight. Those were different times, and you could
          get away with much more in male/female interactions.
          You should watch the episodes: “Suppose I Told You I was The Queen Of
          Spain?’ and “Narcacisit On A Red Fire Engine.” The women that men
          complain about today have been around since the beginning of time, and
          men will ALWAYS fall for their tricks. It’s like the song “Little Town Flirt,”
          by Del Shannon.

  3. And this woman says she’s “too beautiful” to find a boyfriend.

    “Dating is hard — guys are scared because I’m so beautiful,” Elizabeth told Jam Press. “I’ve been told that I’m intimidating to guys because I’m tall — I’m 5ft 10 — and I’m beautiful and I have a very intense personality.”

    Then she admits men actually do approach her but she just doesn’t think they’re good enough for her.

    “The men that do chat me up are usually too cocky and self-obsessed, they clearly go for every pretty girl in the room,” she said. “They see us as trophies.”

    Poor her. I guess she’ll have to rely on dildos, which should help her pornographic career.

      1. A human looking robot (Who’s almost real) would never be in the
        uncanny valley.
        People buy these “love dolls,” some say they’re better than the
        real thing. They just invented a robot hand that can pick up an egg
        without cracking it. Maybe authentic “human” robots are closer than
        we suspect.

        1. I wasn’t making a political or technological statement. I was simply referring to the woman in the article durasim cited, and stating that I don’t find her particularly attractive. I am put off by glamor, and prefer the “adorably dorky” look, such as Zoe Deschanel, Kirsten Vangsness (and yes, I know she’s a lesbian, and the way she looked before blowing up to 300 lbs.), Melissa Rauch, et al. And as Elizabeth Chevalier complains, apparently preferences like mine are not all that uncommon.

          1. Kirsten Vangsness? I never knew there was a time when she wasn’t fat. In 2015, she claimed to have been engaged to a male. Don’t know if anything ever came of that.


            And I agree with you about the “uncanny valley” aspect of the Playboy model in the Daily Mail article. A lot of these “glamour” models look like they have silicone or vinyl skin and not quite human faces. Don’t know if that’s because of plastic surgery, make-up, lighting, lenses, or filtering they use for model shoots, or combination of all that stuff. Of course, that woman probably thinks she’s some divine beauty for whom men should be willing to die just to gaze upon.

            1. Did anybody see the”Shadow Of The Swan” episode of “The Fugative?”
              It’s much easier to locate on Google than Youtube. You can find it just
              by looking. I only bring this up because it is the best episode I ever saw
              that showcases female pathology. BTW, listen to the songs “Horay For Hazel”
              by Tommy Roe, and “Posion Ivory,” by The Coasters.

            2. Yes, she always was overweight, but started out pleasingly plump. Now she just let herself go completely. Oh well.

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